new years aren't new.
I always struggle to find ways start these. I really prefer the cold open, diving right in.
But I also remember my high school English classes where I was taught to open with some kind of hook: a story, or quote, or fascinating fact that represents and leads into the problem you are presenting the reader with—that you then proceed to fix over the course of the words you are dutifully writing. But often I find both the cold open and the crowbar of a hook cumbersome and awkwardly shoe-horned into the narrative or thought process, so instead I find myself rambling about the context in which I am writing, for instance the coffee shop I am sitting in; practicing what my English teacher taught us about journaling in high school—that the best way to get started writing is to write stream of consciousness.
A few year ago (think 2016) this personality test, which had already been around for a couple decades, took a sharp rise in popularity. Suddenly everyone and their mother was talking about the Enneagram. Sidebar—there really is some truth to all language being made up. So when you are having a conversation with someone you’re trying to use these imperfect boxes of experience to share a vision with someone else, hoping that their experience with each box is close enough to yours that they see the same overall vision. Which is actually kind of beautiful and poetic to me. Insofar as the Enneagram, or any personality test, is helpful, it is because it creates these boxes of language and understanding that so many people agree to the meaning of, thereby allowing you to communicate with other people, and listen to other people’s experiences, about how you all experience, and respond, the world. Suddenly with the rise in popularity everything became a potential list for this personality. Such as the type of girlfriend you are, how you should work out, what your coffee order is. The type that most fits me is the number 5, or the Investigator. One year an Enneagram blogger came out with “words of the year” list for each type. The word for 5 was “action.”
Something I have said about myself often, both as an excuse and a healthy realization, is “I am really good at thinking about doing things, and really bad at actually doing them.” This space is a good example of this. Currently there are 16 different drafts of ideas for a piece, a mostly complete piece, and pieces at various stages of writing. I probably wrote 70% - 80% of four different pieces from Thanksgiving through this one. I think a lot, I have thought a lot. Often I think “I could do that, anytime I want, I just don’t want to right now.” Whether it be running errands, dropping clothes off at Goodwill, writing sometime on a specific topic, grading papers at work, texting someone back in the midst of a difficult conversation. “I am capable to, at any time, just not this time, right now.”
In some ways I think New Years is a lie. Who decides what year it is anyway? My student loans aren’t paid off at the stroke of midnight. My car payment doesn’t cease. The peripherals of the flu that’s been lingering in your body after the stress, over indulgence, and lack of physical care leading up to Christmas don’t suddenly vanish at the drop of a ball in New York City. Heck, the whole country decides the new calendar year starts with the ball drop in Times Square when people on the west coast don’t get to go to bed for another three hours! Six if you are in Hawaii. New Years isn’t a blank slate. It is, as you always are, a summation and creation of the decisions you have made before it. Not in a somber, kill-the-mood kind of way. But of a sober and realistic mindset. One that you view the space you’re stepping in to not as a blank canvas, but an in-the-works tapestry. Sure you might have to unwind some of the threads that have already been sewn. You might need to go back to go forward. That shouldn’t change the appreciation for opportunity, for friends, for family. The lame duck days between Christmas and New Years offer the perfect speed to reflect your growth over the past year. Set resolutions, set goals. But know that January 1st is only tomorrow. Build realistically, build small and slowly. Build for who you want to be at this time next year. Not building a Sims for what you want your life to look like tomorrow.
That Enneagram list came out a couple of years ago. I tried to find it on Instagram, but at this point there is so much content that exists I’m not quite sure where to start. I do know that I need to start. I love patterns and habits. Nature is cyclical and we have a built in seven day pattern to our life. Beautifully, tomorrow is Monday, the beginning of a cycle (or maybe day 2, but beggars cant be choosers and I’ll take the closeness). In an effort to build small, my desire for tomorrow is just to act. I always regret it when I decide I am too tired to clean up fully after dinner and I can do it in the morning. I always regret just piling up my clean clothes on a chair until I wear them again. I always regret leaving the gym 15 minutes early instead of doing core, just so I can watch the first 10 minutes of a basketball game while my dinner cooks. Acting, moving, taking those first, and often little steps, are commonly the most difficult but the most crucial.
I don’t plan on ending 2024 with a picture perfect life, frankly I am not sure what that life would look like for me. I am resolving to grow though. To research, to write, to edit, to read, to watch more movies, to play sports, to spend time celebrating with friends, to photograph and video more of life and to do all with grace and with space in my life to breathe. To act, whether it’s perfect or not.
I’m leaving my parents house in two hours to go spend my evening with old friends and new friends. I don’t know what you need tomorrow to look like. Maybe you spent yesterday full of action and so you need to find space. Your yesterday was spent building, or racing, or healing. Whatever it is don’t rush to beat me to December 31st, 2024, that season will arrive right on time. Enjoy today and this season.
Cheers.
Thank you for joining this foray into this merriment, love, and sorrow. This view that life holds that ordinary and the unique. The common and the uncommon. Thank you and I’ll see you next Monday.
ℹ️ Read more about Monday’s Don’t Suck here.
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